


Diamond Crevasse

by TheOtakuWithHazelEyes



Category: Voltron: Defender of the Universe (1984), Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Crystal Venom, But it's okay, F/M, Gen, I dub this ship Shomelle, Love Across Lifetimes, Never watched it but I like the song, Or Roro, Or Shiromelle, Reincarnation, Reincarnation AU, Shiro (Voltron)'s Missing Year, Shiro has voices in his head, Space magic mumbo-jumbo allows reincarnated lovers to contact each other mentally for a time, Suicidal Thoughts, Title is from Macross Frontier, nothing explicit thought, that is my reason and I'm sticking with it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2018-11-06 21:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11044986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOtakuWithHazelEyes/pseuds/TheOtakuWithHazelEyes
Summary: When you truly love someone, you never really forget them. And they always have ways of coming back to you- even if the initial method of their return can be a little unconventional.(Or, Shiro had a voice in his head during his enslavement who he finds oddly familiar. In the present, said voice has been keeping her distance, but after the events of Crystal Venom decides enough is enough. She's GOING to help him... even if it's the last time.)





	1. The First Time

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Voltron, be it Legendary Defender or Defender of the Universe.
> 
> I had the inspiration to write this after re-reading my one-shot, Not Our First Time Around (which made the VLD Fic-Rec List on TV Tropes). This could be seen as a sequel to that, or be read alone, but it's an extension of Shiro's section in the fic. It deviates a tad from the set... let's call them "parameters," but only so I can rip all your hearts out. I'm cruel like that.
> 
> Anyway, this now an AU series! I'll add to it slowly, but it will basically deal with connections between the current series and the '84 series. Many will be dramatic, some will be humorous, all will be AWESOME.
> 
> This fic specifically also nods to headcanons I presented on 10 Truths About Shiro and Senmō, so I'd check those out too.

 

The first time Shiro heard the voice, it was right after his victory over Myzax.

As it turned out, gladiators were given private cells away from the other slaves, which was just about the worse place they could have put Shiro given his condition. Being in that cell by himself meant he was alone with his thoughts, and said thoughts coupled with the pain-induced haze he was in wasn't doing his mental state any favors.

He'd hurt Matt.

He'd hurt _Matt_.

Skinny, awkward, _young_ Matt who should have never been put on the Kerberos mission in the first place, and was now a slave of an evil alien empire.

Just like his father.

Just like Shiro.

The boy's fearful expression was burned into his retinas and he couldn't close his eyes without seeing it. He tried to remind himself that he'd done it to save him- Shiro was the only one who would have stood a chance in the arena, as slim as that chance was. This way Matt would be with his father and relatively safer. A labor camp would be tough, but it wouldn't guarantee an instant demise like the arena would. His friend was safe now and that was what mattered.

Yet no matter how many times he told himself this, he kept seeing Matt's wide, betrayed eyes. He'd been _terrified_ of Shiro in that moment- he'd looked confused and scared and Shiro regretted he _ever_ made _anyone_ he cared about look like that.

These were the thoughts that tortured him as he laid on the ground, curled up from the pain of his wounds. (Apparently, the Galra didn't see the point in giving proper medical attention to their prisoners.) If that weren't enough, along with Matt each burning ache served to remind him of his new position.

He was gladiator now. Shiro had never been a history buff, but he had a general idea how the profession (if you could call it that) worked from movies and books. While he'd won this time, he would have to keep winning if he wanted to survive. And he needed to survive- he _needed_ to survive, escape, and somehow warn Galaxy Garrison of the Galra threat. But gladiator matches usually ended in _death_ \- he'd gotten away with leaving Myzax alive, but assuming he didn't bite the dust himself, how long could he fight before he had to take someone's life? Shiro was technically a soldier, but never in his life had he ever had to kill anyone. The thought of doing so made him want to retch. Being the Galra's entertainment was bad enough, he didn't want to kill for them too. He didn't want to kill, period.

And even _if_ he somehow escaped and made it back to Earth, how could he return without Matt and Commander Holt? He'd told Keith all those months ago it was his responsibility to get father and son back to Earth in one piece. Now they were gone, lost in the Galra slave system. It wasn't like he knew what camp they were sent to- they could quite literally be anywhere in the universe if the Galra's sphere of influence was as large as the other prisoners claimed it was. How could he face Colleen and Katie knowing he'd failed their family?

Imagining their mournful expressions finally made Shiro heave, but as he had not eaten recently, the only thing that came up was throat-scalding bile.

Shiro was hurt, disoriented, ill, and guilt-ridden. He was facing an uncertain and dismal future. He was at his lowest point since his capture on the ice moon of Kerberos. It was only natural his mind went where it did.

_Maybe... maybe it would have been better if Myzax killed me,_ he thought.

Since the pilot had _thought_ this, he wasn't expecting a response. However, he barely blinked when he got one.

**_You and I both know you don't mean that._ **

It was a voice, but at the same time not a voice. It's tone was firm but gentle as it implored him, and carried a lilt that was undeniably feminine. Shiro probably should have been questioning the fact there was a voice in his head, but hey, he was in horrible pain. It figured he would start hallucinating, and if his mind was already gone, he might as well humor it.

_Don't I?_

**_You've spent the last twenty minutes reminding yourself why you need to survive. So yes, I think you don't actually believe Myzax should have killed you._ **

_You have to admit, it's a pretty attractive prospect right now._

**_Then you'd rather die and leave Matt and Samuel to their fates? Let the Galra take over your planet? Leave Keith all alone? I know that's not what you want, Shiro. You're sick and wounded, you're not thinking straight._ **

_Says the voice in my head._

**_I'm serious._ **

_I am too. I may have saved Matt, but I also hurt him. Now that's going to haunt him on top of everything else in this crap-fest. Hell,_ _I let him and his father get captured when it was my job to protect them. I promised I'd bring them home. Colleen, Katie, the Garrison- I even promised Keith!_

Shiro bit his lip, trying to keep his emotions at bay.

_I failed_ everyone _. Understand?_

The voice paused, as though it (she?) was thinking of what to say. Shiro couldn't wait to hear the rebuttal.

**_You were captured too. You were also hurt, before and in that pit. You're just as much a victim as the Holts are, Shiro. I think you're forgetting that._ **

Shiro's breath hitched.

_**You did the best you could given the circumstances- as you said, you had the best chance of beating Myzax, and there was no way to outrun that tractor beam. You saved Matt and tried to save them both on the moon. You** _ **tried,** _**and that's what matters.** _

His eyes started to sting.

_**You're not a failure. You're all alive, and as long as** _ **you** _**keep living, you can save Matt and Samuel. You can go home to your family and Keith. You can save the Earth from the fate of so many other worlds.** _

Shiro curled up on himself more tightly. His shoulders began to shake.

**None** _**of this is your fault.** _

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. For the first time since before his enslavement, Shiro cried. Tears streamed from his eyes and he couldn't make them stop. He bit his fist to keep from making a sound.

He wasn't going to alert any guards and let his captors see him like this.

**_Shh. It's okay, Shiro. And even if it's not, it will be. I promise._ **

Through the haze of his injuries he could have sworn he felt someone carding their fingers through his hair and pressing light kisses to his forehead. He only knew of one person who'd ever done that for him.

"... Haha-ue?" he whispered aloud.

The voice said nothing for the longest time, and her silence seemed oddly disappointed. For an inexplicably panicky moment, Shiro believed he scared her off.

_**... I'm not your mother, Shiro. But know I care for you and don't want to see you give in to despair. I won't lie to you- things are definitely going to get worse from here. I can't guarantee you'll come out of this unscathed, but I need you to stay strong. Matt, Commander Holt, Keith, your family, and everyone back on Earth do as well. Can you do that?** _

Shiro's sobs became that much more forceful because she was _right_. The voice was right and he knew it and he felt so _ashamed_ \- how could he let himself contemplate death for even a _fraction_ of moment when he had all those people depending on him?

The Holt girls would probably hate him for losing their boys, but they'd hate him even more more for giving up on them. Keith would hate Shiro for abandoning him when the older man promised he would always be there for him. The Garrison had no idea hostile aliens were out there and they needed to know. And he hadn't even thought of his family. They'd already lost his mother and Ryou might as well be dead given he hadn't contacted the family in over six years. What would losing Shiro do to them?

He needed to live. There was no other alternative. But as the voice had said, it was only going to get worse from here and there would probably be moments like this again.

_**Shiro, can you do that?** _

Shiro took several deep breaths and gave his honest response.

_... Ill try._

**_That's all I ask. Now, get some rest. You're going to need it._ **

The phantom touch moved from his hair to caressing his cheek as his eyelids grew heavy. He tried to lean into it, but all he got was the cold cell floor.

Shiro no longer cared if the voice was part of some bizarre fever dream. She was the first one to offer him genuine comfort since his enslavement and he had no idea he craved it so much. Shiro wanted to enjoy it for as long as he could.

_Stay with me?_ he thought hesitantly as his consciousness began to dim.

A soft, sad smile flashed in his mind's eye.

_**Always.** _

 

**三**

 

The next morning, Shiro awoke with renewed resolve to endure the Galra and their cruelty. He had so many depending on him, and he would be damned if he let any of them down.

He believed the voice, though appreciated, to have been merely a dream brought on by his wounded delirium. He believed the voice to be dream every time he heard her after that.

He would only learn a year later that she was something else entirely.

 

 


	2. The Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro has long since escape the Galra and forgot the Voice, but that all changes thanks to Crystal Venom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this part so many times. The first version was a lot of "telling, not showing" (which any author will tell you is a major NO) and after reading it over several times I came to the conclusion it was boring. Here's hoping this final version is better!
> 
> This is where things deviate from the... parameters provided by the excerpt from Not Our First Time Around. You'll see.
> 
> Anywho, how about that Season 4, huh? It didn't have Romelle, but I'll hold for season 5. Shomelle/Roro aside, she has the potential to a completely badass character!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Voltron or any of its affiliates.

 

That may have been the first time Shiro heard this mysterious Voice, but it was hardly the last.

Shiro was a strong, willful individual, but even he had limits when it came to the Galra's savagery. Over the year of his imprisonment, he had moments of despair, and every time this occurred, the Voice returned. She reminded him that he had reasons to live, and though he needed these reminders multiple times, Shiro never once doubted her words (even if she was a mysterious voice in his head). The Voice was a source of light, solace, and love in what was a living hell. She dragged him from the edge every time he found himself teetering, and he was grateful.

However, that being said, Shiro ended up  _forgetting_  most of what brought him to the edge upon his escape from the Galra.

He forgot the many bloody battles the arena put him through. He forgot the numerous cruel experiments Haggar and her scientists performed on him. He forgot the various slaves he had either aided or befriended that had been taken from him.

He forgot the Voice.

It was to be expected. Without the memories he gained from his time as a slave, there was nothing for the Voice to soothe. Even when he started getting those memories back, he had others to pull him together. He adored his new friends and found support with them. They reassured him of his self-worth, and when they could not, there was the ever stalwart presence of the Black Lion. Though their bond was still tentative, he could count on its strength to guide him from darkness when needed.

No matter how many doubts or nightmares befell him, Shiro picked himself up and kept fighting with their aid. There was no need for some mysterious, cooing voice speaking comfort to him from the recesses of his mind, and she never returned- not even he was injured or sick like she had in the past. Shiro no longer required her.

She understood that, despite how much it pained her.

And it would have stayed that way too, had the Castleship not been infected with Crystal Venom.

 

**三**

**三**

 

**"DID YOU REALLY THINK A MONSTER LIKE YOU COULD BE A VOLTRON PALADIN?!'**

**"STOP IT!"**

_She was able to view these events as if she were truly there, no matter how horrible it was to see._

_She watched as Shiro slammed his metal fist into the pod, cracking its glass. She grimaced as the phantom image of Yurak's (no, Sendak- he was_ Sendak _now) feral grin filled Shiro's vision. She looked away as Shiro shot the Galra commander into space, panting as though each breath pained him to take._

_She couldn't take it anymore. With a wave of her hand the scene around her melted away. Instead of the Castleship's prison deck, she stood in the expanse of purple light and infinite stars that was the Astral Plane. She had been here for a long time, and usually she found the view soothing. Today, it felt like she was being mocked- that she had to be stuck here while Shiro suffered in the physical world._

_"... How could you let this happen?" she whispered thickly. She turned on her heel, glaring at the enormous form behind her. "You promised me you would protect him! How could you let this happen?!"_

_The Black Lion stared down at her, stoic as ever._

_**"My Paladin is uninjured."** _

_"Oh, well isn't_ that  _fantastic!" she exclaimed sarcastically. "Who cares if months of mental progress has essentially gone out the window, at least he's_ uninjured _! Physical wounds heal easily, this doesn't!"_

**_"What could I have done? Break out of my hangar, rampage through the castle, and crush Alfor's AI under my own paw? I'm sure that would have gone_ very _well."_**

_"All I'm hearing is that for all of your so-called immense power, you're completely useless!" she fired back. "You have the ability to speak to Shiro mentally, you could have prevented this! But no, you keep your chats to the bare minimum because you think he hasn't_ earned _it yet! Shiro is more than deserving, and your central processor must be rusty if you can't see that! You could have stopped this-_ you just chose not to! _"_

 _The Black Lion's eyes flashed as they stood and_  roared _._

 ** _"YOU_ DARE _PRESUME THAT YOU CAN LECTURE THE BLACK LION?!"_** _they_ _bellowed at the tiny being below them. **"YOU, A MERE**_ **SHADE** _**THAT SHOULD HAVE DISSIPATED INTO THE ETHER A MILLENNIA AGO?!"** _

_"This_ shade _is one of the reasons you even_ have _a paladin right now," she said in a low voice, not even flinching at the robot's rage, "and you would do well to remember that, Black Lion."_

_After a few seconds of silent tension, the Black Lion sat back down on their haunches, flaring eyes dying down to a soft glow._

_**"My bond with my Paladin is still in its infancy. We have yet to communicate as I once did with my former Paladin. It still needs time to build, and thus I cannot aid him in this matter."** _

_She took several calming breaths before responding. "Then the solution is simple- allow me to speak with him."_

_**"No."** _

_"Why not?!"_

_**"As I said, you are but a shade. I understand why you did what you did for him during his enslavement, but you should have never spoken to him to begin with. It is unnatural."** _

_"You think I don't know that?! I knew what I was doing was wrong, that's why I only came to him when it seemed like I was a hallucination! I just... I just..." She trailed off. She hugged her arms. "I couldn't just leave him alone like that. Even if it wasn't_  him _, not really."_

_She stepped forward, placing her hand over her heart. "When Shiro forgot my voice and bonded with you, I stepped back. He had his team again and no longer needed the companionship of a hallucination. Like you've said twice now, I'm a shade- a flimsy remnant from the past that will only hold him back in the long run." She smiled sadly. "This is his life now, and I accept that I'm not a part of it anymore. I can't keep him in the past due to my own selfish desires."_

_She looked up at the lion, determination in her eyes. "That is why I'll make you this deal- allow me to speak to him this one last time. No, actually, allow me to_ appear _to him, in a dream or something like it. Allow me to help him past this tribulation and I promise it will be the_ last _time. I will finally allow myself to vanish, as I should have long ago. Then Shiro can go forward on his own strength and the strength of his friends."_

_Black Lion did not respond for the longest time. They stared down at her, appraising the terms of the offered deal. Some of her earlier bravado began to fade, so she darted her eyes to look at anything but the Head of Voltron... which wasn't easy given there wasn't much to see in the Astral Plane. She still couldn't believe Shiro bonded to this Lion- they were so different from Blue Lion._

_At long last, the Black Lion spoke._

**_"He will not know you."_ **

_She jumped a foot at the sudden acknowledgement, but recovered and chuckled softly. She knew the lion wasn't referring to all the times she and Shiro spoke during his imprisonment. "I know that. If I recall correctly, he thought I was his_ mother _the first time we spoke." Thankfully, he never guessed again after that._ _"It's better he doesn't, given the circumstances. But if you really think about it, I don't know him either- only the man he once was in my memories. I still have to try though."_

_Black growled in agreement. **"Then y** **ou will appear to him not as you are, to lessen the chance of him remembering."**_

_Her eyes widened when she realized what they were saying. "You mean... I can see him? You'll allow it?"_

**_"Yes, but this will be the last time, as you promised._ ** _**And** _ **_even if, by some stretch of the imagination, he does manage to remember you, you must still vanish once you have completed your task. Your continued presence, even on this plane of existence, can no longer be allowed."_ **

_She flinched at this, but schooled her expression before taking a deep bow. "I understand. Thank you for your generosity, great Black Lion."_

**_"Thank you for keeping my Paladin alive."_ **

_She looked up in surprise, then gave a soft smile. The robot rumbled almost fondly in return._

_"You're welcome," she said earnestly. "Let's get started then."_

 

**三**

 

"Shiro?"

Shiro startled involuntarily at the sudden sound of his name. He had hoped he wouldn't be discovered for at least a few hours, but as that morning proved, the universe wasn't willing to cut him any slack.

After they had escaped the supernova and listened to Allura's declaration of Alfor's legacy, he had slipped away from the group when they started making plans for what came next. Usually he would be planning right along side them, but he felt too drained physically and emotionally to do much of anything at that moment. He had made his way to one of the observation decks, where he hoped he could have some time alone to not think for a little while. No such luck.

Shiro turned away from the room's large window and gave a tired smile. "Hey, Lance. What's up?"

Lance stepped out of the doorway and into the room, fidgeting awkwardly. "Uh, Coran and Hunk finished cleaning up the kitchen and we're all having lunch. I thought I'd come get you, see if you wanted any. It's just food goo, but..."

Shiro rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not really hungry right now, Lance. Thanks, anyway."

"Yeah, no, it's cool," Lance assured him. He walked backwards out the door. "See you later."

Shiro stared at the still-open door for a second, then counted off on his fingers.

_Three..._

_Two..._

_One..._

The Blue Paladin's head popped into view.

"Okay, confession time- that wasn't the only reason I came in here," Lance admitted, walking back in and this time shutting the door behind him. "Sorry. Me and Keith were both looking for you, and I found you first and... yeah, sorry."

"It's alright. I figured as much," Shiro sighed. He put his hands on his hips and tried to look at ease. "What do you need?"

Lance put his hands in his pockets, hesitating and avoiding eye contact.

"Lance?" Shiro prodded.

"... Shiro, are you okay?"

Shiro blinked, not quite registering the question.

"I'm asking because you kind of snuck away when no one was looking," Lance continued. He finally met Shiro's gaze. "Not to mention you didn't look so hot back on the prison deck."

Shiro managed to keep a grimace off his face. "Yeah, all this stuff with the castle really got to me. I apologize if I worried you- I didn't mean to freak out like that."

In almost an instant, Lance lost his nervousness. He crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. "No offense, Shiro, but I wouldn't call being driven to launch a guy into deep space something as simple as 'freaking out.'"

The grimace came in full force. "Lance, I-"

"Look, I'm not saying Sendak didn't have that coming- dude almost killed me. And there might be some ethical argument there, but that's not why I'm here." Lance rubbed the back of his neck. "I know... I know you freeze up sometimes in training. There are things that remind you of the Galra, and I get that- scary crap like that doesn't just go away. But whatever the Galra crystal made Sendak say to you..."

If Lance kept speaking, Shiro wasn't listening. His mind was caught on the Blue Paladin's earlier statements.

He  _killed_  a man- there was no way a cracked cryo-pod would last in the vacuum of space. A man who had gravely injured one of his friends, but a man who was also both a  _prisoner_  and _defenseless_ \- and the worst part was, he had a feeling it wasn't the first time.

_You've been broken, and reformed._

No, no, no.

 _The others don't know what you know._ Seen _what you've seen._

No, Sendak wasn't right, he  _wasn't_!

... But what if he  _was_? It wasn't like Shiro could remember anything substantial from his slave days. He only recalled the snippets that came to him in flashbacks and nightmares. He  _had_  killed in that arena. He knew that right down to his very soul.

"Shiro?" Lance's voice came through the haze. "Are you okay- what am I asking? Of course you're not!"

Shiro was shaking all over now. His breaths came in sharp pants and the part of his mind that was still partly rational was telling him he shouldn't be... _breaking down_  in front of one of his teammates, but at this point it was futile.

Sendak was right. Sendak was  _right_. Shiro was a  _monster_ , and now all of his friends knew it.

He was dimly aware of Lance trying to get him to respond, but he had no desire to. He didn't deserve it. He was a liar, a failure, and a  _murderer_. How could he call himself a Voltron paladin when he was  _just like the enemy_?

**_All of the old arguments, huh?_ **

Shiro's eyes widened, and his head snapped upright. That voice...

"Shiro? You back with me?" Lance asked hopefully.

The voice wasn't Lance, obviously- Lance was male and did not speak in Shiro's head. And yet, Shiro found it undeniably familiar. Where had he heard this voice before?

**_It seems every time we meet, you're in a dark place I need to lead you from. Well, at least you're consistent._ **

As the Voice spoke, Shiro felt the phantom sensation of an arm hugging his shoulders and a hand cupping his chin from behind. He should have been panicking, as he'd had similar feelings since escaping that were far from pleasant, but for the first time all day he felt _safe_.

Just the like that, the world started to fall away. The room and Lance faded into pure whiteness, which seemed backward. Shouldn't it be darkness? It was a welcome change though, as Shiro had had enough darkness for one lifetime.

As Shiro's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell backward, the last thing he heard- aside from the echoes of Lance frantically shouting for help- was the Voice whispering soothingly in his ear.

**_Come, my love. It's time we talk face to face._ **

 


End file.
